He Deals With Me

        Yesterday I was in my room praying and doing bible time.  I felt like God wanted me to deal with my heart so I asked him what.  He reminded me of something one of the caregivers said to me about a girl who was blind. I knew this lady believed in Jesus and acted nice.  She even kissed me.    
        One day I asked for medicine and she began hitting me over and over with the heel of her shoe. She turned me over and got my back when she was done with my legs. It was so hard to breathe.  Another caregiver told her to stop but she said, "If I do this to my kids at home I am able to do it here." 
    Later when she came to feed me I said I'm not feeling like eating.  She turned to the blind girl and I saw her shove the food in her mouth so much she was choking.  I said, "If you say you believe in God, stop shoving food in her mouth."
    She looked at me and said, "You don't tell me what to do. Why do you want to save this girl who hurts you?  She talks about you behind your back."
    I told her that I loved this girl.  I loved her because I felt she has never done anything.  At the same time I really believed this woman when she said the blind girl talked bad about me.  And that was what God really wanted to deal with me about.  From that moment on I didn't talk to the blind girl ever again. 
     And so yesterday in my room my heart was hurting so badly because I judged this girl who had done nothing to me.  I even said to myself, "I was dumb. I should have known better."  I cried for her and I had so many tears for her.  When I was done I said, "Thank you God for telling me I wasn't right. Thank you for correcting me."  I just felt so many thank you's to God after that.

   Today it may be hard to read some of this but you really need to know this because you or your kids might be hurting too.  The hurt makes you want to go away and never come back.  God really loves us and we need to think about what's good.  Even though I remembered something bad, I can feel better because now I know who God made me be. 

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

From Mom:  It is incredibly humbling to be the writer of her words.  Often times, like today, I am hearing things for the first time. I know when she is about to ask me to sit down though.  Her eyes get big and she can almost hardly wait to share what God places on her heart.  When she speaks her whole body moves and when we are finished she is so very tired but she is fulfilled and at peace.  Today at school everyone was to introduce themselves and say something.  She said she ministers to families who adopt.  I love that. 

Little White House

    Yesterday I was praying like war.  I was praying for more of God, more of God, more of God.  I have been so thankful.  When I went to bed last night I felt like I wanted to hug and kiss Jesus.  When I closed my eyes I could see many people walking towards a small white house.  They were all crying and saying things like, "We didn't understand.  We worshipped ourselves.  We believed in our own strength. Now we believe our God helps."  I didn't understand what it meant. I think to myself that something is coming.  I felt my heart really heavy.
     This morning when I was praying God told my heart to pray for people.  I think the white house I saw was a church and I feel like he wants me to go tell the people about him.  I feel in my heart like a yes!  I should do this.  And as soon as I finished praying, I heard in my mind, "No you can't preach to people.  You think you can bring people to Jesus but you cannot.  It's a waste of your time."  It made me angry and I said out loud, "You devil, you will not steal my joy. I will stay in the presence of God!"
      

        Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.   Philippians 3:13-14

From Mom:  We spent time praying today especially for eyes to be opened to recognize that it was the actions of broken people that gave God a bad name, for revelation of their need of more of God in order to love and trust others. 

   

Wait It's Coming!

    Today is my 19th birthday.  I feel joy and peace in my heart.  I hope for more understanding what God is doing so my eyes will open up more.  I have been praying hard today to get more understanding why God has chosen me to help people.  I know its not because of anything I have done but because of what He has done.  He has put love in my heart.  I love him more than anything in my life. 

     I didn't get like this in one day.  When I was little I even tried crawling.  I could sit up.  I wanted to move more, but my mom told me to get down.  At times my dad would get me to try, but my mom would stop it.  It hurt my heart when I heard her say this to me.
     Then when I went to the institution, they left me in the bed.  They gave me sleep medicine.  Everyday I tried to move some how but many times if they saw me they gave me medicine right away.  Slowly I felt something changing in my body.  I asked for help.  They said there was no help.  I asked how long I would be there and their response was - until I died.
     I just kept thinking I want to do something.  I want to get up.  I could see some children receiving help but they made excuses why I could not go.  My mom and I figured if I went into the institution in 2004 and I was adopted in April of 2013, then I spent 3,285 days becoming twisted inside myself. Not just my body, but my thinking too.  The caregivers had told me no one would love me.  It takes some time to become straight again.
    My mom reads the comments to me that are left here.  It is hard to believe that just saying my story can help but that's what God does.  I have learned that no matter how hard things get I am going to always hope for something good.  I guess I learned how to wait.
     This morning I had a dream that I was back in Ukraine with my new family visting my biological brother.  He said to me, "Thank you for praying for me. Thank you for opening my eyes.  I'm so happy you came to see me."  I thought when I woke, no one asks me to pray for my brother.  God puts him in my heart to pray.  God uses every person. Keep hoping for something good.  It's going to happen if you really believe.

Love is in the Light,

Lucia

From Mom:  We prayed together today for old habits to be broken and new pathways to be forged in your relationships.

Facing My Fears

     Today was a difficult morning.  It was hard for me to wake up because my back was hurting and I hadn't slept well.  The weather changed a lot and became cold.  It makes my body more stiff and achey than other days.  I prayed, "God I know you don't want me to have pain.  Take my pain away."
After I prayed, God had me think about my mom's testimony and it made me amazed how God used her to be so nice to people and I see how my brothers and sisters change.  

    I don't know how to put it but I was so angry with my birth mom.  A little over a year ago I said to my mom, "I want to go back to Ukraine!"  After awhile I thought, "why did I say this?"  I realized how silly that was and that it wasn't right.  I wanted to take it back.

    I said it to my mom because I thought she would stop loving me like my birth mom.  When I came home I listened really close all the time to see if my mom was saying mean things about me.  I asked the kids if they heard too.   When my mom was so kind, it just hurt because I didn't believe her.  I could not take one more person lying to me.  In the institution the people talked about me.  They said I was dumb and that it was my fault that my birth mom drank and my birth dad killed himself. 
I believed that I was not good so I believed them.

    When I first came, I was so scared.  I tried to choke myself at night.  My mom didn't know.  One time I threw up in my bed and I was afraid my mom would see and tell me to clean it up.  But when my mom came in, she gave me a bath and cleaned me.  I used to have to lay in vomit all day. Having bad things happen makes you expect bad things to happen.

    Over many months I saw that nothing bad happened.  When my parents kept talking about God I started to think, I want that too.  I began praying and asking God to change my thoughts.  I see God answer my prayers.  Even after my head knew the truth my feelings still felt scared inside.  It took me a year to not feel that scary feeling.    I also thought my mom was friends with the bad people in Ukraine because she was so nice to them.  I thought that if I told my mom what happened to me that she was going to tell them and then listen to them and hurt me.

There are so many thoughts that go on inside. I had to tell Satan that he had to go away.  When he would tell me I wasn't good, I would tell him it wasn't true.  I am made for something beautiful!

"Get behind me, Satan!  You are an offense to Me, for you are not mindful of the things of God, but the things of men."  - Jesus   Matthew 16:23

Love is in the Light,

Lucia


From Tina :   This blog came out of the book we've been working on, which came out of our one on one sessions together we have.  In the beginning we just shared, I prayed with her and whatever God might have us to do.  Then as she became more comfortable she began talking about wanting to write her story down.  This was when we really began to work through some hard things and replace lies with the truth. 

   Over time,  we saw her light shine brighter and now it's really amazing to see her share these things that once held her down.  We prayed today before she shared that for all of the very dark and painful offenses taking place behind closed doors to the helpless, that God would multiple the blessings one hundred fold for each offense to every child including those who are now in adoptive and foster families.  We pray that every family knows their battle is in spirit and not flesh and that they fight FOR each other, not fight each other.

He Speaks to Me

       I woke up this morning with such peace and a feeling of safety.  The thought of money came to me. My birth parents always thought about money.  They thought money was all they needed. God seems to have brought this to my mind.

I asked God, why are you making me think about money?

God told me, "What I put in your heart is important. It's worth more than what money can buy."

When my dad came in my room, I told him and he said, "God will always hear your prayers and he will speak to you."

I felt so happy like I wanted to cry.  Today is a busy day because my uncle and grandma are coming and I know my mom has to clean. I prayed that I would have time to sit with my her to write on my blog and God answered that prayer too!

So I had good dreams last night.  I was even walking!  My mom was cheering and saying "I am so happy for you!" Rainan was hugging me and crying happy tears for me.  

Today I think to ask my mom to look up this bible verse and this is what we found. 

 And he that overcometh, and keepeth my works unto the end, to him will I give power over the nations-   Revelation 2:26

I think it is right for how I am feeling.

     Love is in the Light,

                             Lucia 

From Mom :   Lucia was asking me to look up a particular verse, couldn't remember the book but that it was 2:26 and about "keeping to follow God and he will make you to overcome."   I began looking up different books and when I said the book Revelation, she shouted YES quickly.

What We Think On Grows

   

     My days in the institution were slow and painful.  I thought everyday was sure to be the last.  When I asked for help, no one listened.  One day I even asked the caregiver to kill me by overdose because the hopelessness was unbearable.  I was not always hopeful as I am now.  The more I thought about my pain, the more I thought of death.
    When I was transferred before my parents came for me, new caregivers were in charge and they told me I wasn't bad.  I began to think that maybe I was a good person.  I noticed my days were happier and I looked for good things in my days too.  I was still in pain.  My body wasn't getting better, but the people around me helped me to see differently.
    
      Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.                                    Ephesians 6:10-11
   
     Now that I am here in my new home, I am beginning to see what God is doing with all of those things that happened before.  I still have hard days but it is different now.  I know when bad thoughts come at me to pray.  Prayer has been the most important thing I've learned.  My prayers are like giving my bad days away to God to have and he gives back to me His peace.  I learned that I can't always change the things to be the way I want it to be but I can still be enjoying God until He changes the situation.  I have decided I am going to enjoy life no matter what because I spent too many years miserable.  God did not want me to be miserable.  He wanted me happy and I make the devil mad when I am happy.

    Adoptive moms and dads, keep loving your children no matter what your children do to you.  They only behave how they feel about themselves.  Satan tells them many lies.  Keep speaking the truth to them.  I understand this.  I have a brother and sister who also struggle with this.  Keep praying for their hearts to become hungry for God because only God can change people.  

                                              Love is in the Light,

                                                                Lucia

Introduction to Lucia's Blog

Those who look to God for help will be radiant with joy.  Psalm 34:6

     My name is Lucia.  I am 19 years old.  I have been living in the United States almost three years already.  I came here from Ukraine when I was 16.  I have a new life now, like I have never seen before.  I want people to understand that God makes beautiful things beyond what we can imagine.  My life in Ukraine was very difficult and I didn't think life could ever get better for me.  I wondered often about how much longer I would live.  I have cerebral palsy and was being housed in a facility for the mentally ill with many other children with special needs.  We were not cared for the right way and I watched my friends die by my bed.

     With this blog, I want to share with other people what God has been showing to me.  I am just a girl, but I am God's girl and he helps me everyday to see Him in all the little things around me.  I know many people have prayed for me even before I came home.  Let me say, God bless you to all of you who pray for the orphan who waits for a family.  

     I also have a heart to see children like me become strongly bonded to their new families and I believe God has given me a mission to minister to adoptive parents who are trying to understand their children better.   It is very difficult to be neglected and abused and then learn to trust again but it can happen. Nothing is impossible with God.

                                                     Love is in the light,

                                                                                    Lucia 

From Tina (Lucia's Mom) :  When Lucia was still in Ukraine and years before we adopted her, I knew her as Yulia.  Every time I prayed for her, I would hear, "radiant."   When she became ours and wanted a new name we chose Lucia, because it means radiant.  Lucia has truly lived up to that name reflecting the light of Christ's gentleness and kindness.   She has wanted to help others for a long time and she feels this is the time to step out in faith and begin sharing the good works God is doing in her life, in hopes that it blesses and inspires you.  Everything that is written here is from her heart but is edited by me to help for clarity sake.  Blessings